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boarder5
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Name: Lesley
Location: Orange County, California, United States
Gender: Female
Interests: God, UCI KCCC, hangin out w/ friends, doing a whole bunch of random things with my friends, playing sports like tennis and bball, snowboarding, listening to music, playing the piano and guitar, reading, watching tv, sitting around and doing nothing, and etc...
Expertise: iono...do I even have any? i surely doubt i have any. oh wellz...
Occupation: media buying assistant
Message: message me
Member Since:
3/2/2003
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I know that material things are just material things and don't last forever. We don't need much to live on, a roof over our heads, a bed, clothes on our back, food in our stomachs, and the necessary basics but sometimes when something means so much to you and you give it away or have to sell it, it's like taking away apart of you...
You just never know what you have and take it for granted, whether it be people, objects or such.
I've always wanted a piano and thus it was my birthday gift to me when I was 7 when I promised to fully devote my time to it (lessons, theory, and such). Granted, I haven't been able to play on it as much as I used to but that's what I've known. I don't think that I was great at it in any way but it brought joy when playing. Even wiith all the moving throughout the years, I just was never wanting to get rid of it because it's apart of me.
18 years... I can't believe it and it tears at my heart to have to sell it...but you have to do what you need you to do...
::sigh:: it is just an object... maybe i'll be able to buy one in the future, but not holding my breath.
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| October 2009
Sat, Oct. 3rd
10:30 am - Dentist appt (drop mom off and run errand)
12 pm - lunch in Alhambra
7-10 pm Bridges @ HQ
Sun, Oct. 4th
9:45 am - GNC (mission testimony)
3ish pm - drop by Janice's house (fresh tickets & etc)
2-6 pm flag footbal practice
Tues, Oct. 5th
6:30 pm - dinner
Wed, Oct. 6th
7:30 pm - stop by Sarah's house (also drop off baby gift)
Sat, Oct. 10th
6 pm - Fresh 2009 (w/ DCB, Jaeson Ma, and Francis Chan @ the L.A. Sports Arena) =))))
Sun, Oct. 11th
2 pm - Flag Football practice
5 pm - Reception in LA
Tues, Oct. 13th
1-yr @ job
Thurs, Oct. 15th
8 pm - LAX (pick-up)
Fri, Oct. 16th
6 pm - Shocktoberfest (UCI) - Gym Class Heroes & Shwayze
* FREE happy hour! for young alums! woot woot!
* already have 2 wristbands!
Sat, Oct. 17th
8 am - 4/5 pm KCCC Sports Day w/ Bridges @ CSULB
Sun, Oct. 18th
2 pm - Flag Football practice
Tues, Oct. 20th
7:30 pm - "Rent" @ OCPAC w/ Sarah & Joy!
Thurs, Oct. 22nd - Sun, Oct. 25th
Sun, Oct. 25th
2pm - Flag Football practice
Wed, Oct. 28th
7 pm - Colbie Caillat @ House of Blues on Sunset
Busy busy...I really wanted to go see Anjelah Johnson @ the Ontario Improv on the 15th but can't... It's okay. =) | | |
| feels like i'm bursting on the inside.... | | |
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i don't get it.... that totally made me lose my appetite...
i know it can't happen, but i just wish that life reversed itself...
this was the biggest shock (though i've heard of many)... i'm not very happy...
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i just feel like ranting... i always knew that life was unfair but seriously LIFE sucks...
the answer is always so easy...but i really don't have much faith, hope, and trust these days... especially with all that's been happening this year so far. i try to start the year with a brand new beginning but stuff just always happens. can't i have it easy? of course not. who does, right? i guess no one.. i just wish once in all my 23 years of life, to actually be healed and not be hurt or heart-broken.
my birthday was already something that has always been pretty hard for me to celebrate because of the stuff that always goes on around it but this year, it just kinda reassured me even more that maybe i should really just do away with celebrating my birthday in general. yea this might just be today and the moment that i'm saying this so far but always a great disappointment on myself.
what's the use of friends when i don't even really have anyone to celebrate my birthday with... yes everyone is busy in their life but out of like the 7 or so people, no one could make it to dinner. i know that it's good to just spend time with my sjn but it was like man...i really have the most inconvenient birthday ever. either it being during midterms or peoples' busyness. yes, people do as me sometimes what days are free for me but when they ask me and i say which day...they aren't free.. so i ask them when they are free.. because evidently that's just easier but not yet so.
i know that i need to be thankful for having a job and that jobs are hard... i just really wish that it wasn't so heart-wrenchingly hard, to the point where i'm stressed out every day and wonder if it's my last. family...yes no family is perfect but it's not fun when i feel alone, even in my own family...like an outsider wanting to be in, or even for people to get along. i wish that of course everything would be good but when was that so? when i was in elementary school...? it hurts so much that it brings me to tears and often i cry myself to sleep....which of course no one knows. i wish that i had that tight group of friends that i often see with my other friends, ones that you could hang out, rely on. ones that got your back and even are accountable for you. i grew up never really having that, i always just had friends and close friends here and there. i know that people grow up and friendships get lost but i feel like i've WASTED just so much time in certain friendships especially in a few in the past couple of years that seriously i could've invested more time in something else. if i would've known that i would just be in the background or even thrown to the curb, i shouldn't even have tried. yes, need to make the effort...the phone goes both ways. i'm tired of calling or reaching those that i want to hang out with but never are able to reach them and always just leave a message, and never getting a reply back. i don't to constantly keep calling because that's just sooo stalkerish.
it's too late but i always wish that i was close to a family member my age, or even really had one nearby. nope no siblings no nothing. every hardship and burden has always fallen on my shoulders....freakin-a!
yes, i'm might be in a bout of depression or something because i really have no passion for anything these days and i'm just tired, tired of this life... the answer is so "simple" but also not yet so, i just don't have trust....
i want to do the simple things in like, enjoy it and sometimes even i really want to have fun with my friends. i really want to go snowboarding, but even then, who could i ask? not really one person... those who are busy or those who already keep going but i'm just here...
i know in a couple of days...i'll just forget it but will i really? i just feel so jaded....
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